Living in fear most of your life makes for a lot of days constantly worrying. Literally everything and anything makes me panicky. When I say everything and anything I don’t mean if I see a cow on the road that I’m gonna have a panic attack, lol. What I mean is there are A LOT of stuff that “normal” people wouldn’t think twice about that terrify me. Today I’m just going to write about the main things that really make my anxiety freak out!
- The first thing has got to be failure, at everything. Even before I set my mind to doing something I immediately “know” I’m going to fail. Even though part of me can say I’m not dumb, I know I could achieve a lot in life. My anxiety is a serious problem no matter which way you look at it. I want to feel that I’m going to achieve something in life but with my anxiety and schizophrenia, it’s very hard to see achievement before failure.I don’t have much advice on this subject because I too am still working on this!
- Secondly, going into public. Something that is required of living a normal healthy life, comes so hard to people with social anxiety. It’s easy for someone without anxiety to just get up, shower and go out the door. For someone with social anxiety, what’s the point of even getting “dolled up” if you’re going to be on the couch all day, right? Well that’s how I feel every morning, and I’m finally able to say I’m done with it. At first I was comfortable with living everyday staring at the same four walls, I wasn’t anxious. Now I’m tired of it, I want to have a healthy lifestyle, a fun lifestyle. I was recently in a car accident and it really opened my eyes with my anxiety. I need to figure out how to just get out there, suck it up and do my best. If I would have hit that telephone pole any different I could have died. I would have been so pissed at myself if I died that day because what did I achieve in life? I want to die and be happy with what I’ve done in my life, not full of regret. How am I supposed to start a family with my beautiful girlfriend when I can’t even go to market? I realized I needed to change, I needed to do more things with my fiancé and make more memories! My fiancé recently talked me into going out-of-town and into a “Petco” for our dogs birthday. I was terrified, of course, but I did it! I took my medication with me for backup just incase, you know? After it was over and I was back in the car my body was seriously jumping out of my skin in happiness. My girlfriend had a smile on her face all day long because of that one little store I went into. I seen how much happiness it brought both of us so, I’m changing for us. It’s really helped looking at my anxiety through other people’s eyes. My girlfriend has played a BIG role on helping me over come things. Having someone by you, no matter what they are to you, really helps. I’ve overcome a lot since 2012 because I had someone who believed in me and she made me believe in myself. When I doubt myself, I crash down and stop what I’m doing.
No more doubting yourself!!!