My medications. 

I’m on quite a few medications for my “disabilities”. Saphris 10mg for Schizophrenia, Ativan 2mg for anxiety, Vyvanse 70mg for ADHD, Effexor for Depression. I think out of all these meds the Ativan has to be the one I hate taking the most. Yes it calms me down but it makes me zombiefied! I literally sound drunk when I’m on Ativan. If I’m having a panic attack I don’t care if I’ll be loopy, I take 2 ativan and I’m out for the rest of the day. But if I finally get the courage to go into a store, I don’t want to go stumbling in the store like an addict. Saphris was probably the hardest to get use to. I’ve never heard of anyone else on Saphris but it fucking taste nasty as hell. My doctor gets me black cherry flavor, and it’s awful! The way my mouth just numbs up like I just ate a ball of coke, is the worst. Usually people complain about the Vyvanse and I totally understand why because you feel like you can run a million miles but it slows down my thoughts and “voices” so much! I was on and off my medication for a while, as soon as id feel better I would stop taking my meds and then boom back into a slump. I hate getting into my “slump” because it’s so hard for me to get out of it. Like this week, I’ve left the house twice, once alone and once with my girlfriend. I’m not really in a slump, I mean maybe I am, I’m not too sure. I know that I’d rather get up, do my hair my makeup, get cute and go do something. But what is there to do? The only friend I have is my girlfriend, I mean we talk to people and have friends together but it takes so much for me to get comfortable enough to be around people alone. Having my girlfriend or my mom with me makes things like going in place or going around people, easier. When I first started taking my meds I hated them, I was so pissed I was on so many different meds at 15. Also I gained so much weight being on my medication, I went from being 115 to 185 in one summer, talk about stretch marks! I’m down to 130lbs because I’ve finally set a way for me to eat less and workout more. Im really getting into yoga, and meditation, it’s helping me a lot with health and my head:) enough for right now! Keep your heads up!