The “voices”!

Today they’re going insane! When I say that “they’re going insane” it’s because I have 3 different distinct voices, always have, probably always will. They do NOT have names that I’m aware of, at least I’ve never heard them say names besides mine. The “people” in my head have made themselves visable to me multiple times when I was a lot younger, like 7-13 years old.

Voice #1- very older man, has to be late 70s, very mean and full of awful things to talk about. I’ve only seen him once in my room when I was around 13, never seen him again. It’s weird how my brain knows his voice, how I know that HIS voice is the older mans voice, it’s insane to me. He’s the one that I don’t like hearing what he has to say, when it comes to anything!

Voice #2- Middle aged man probably late 20s, early 30s. He’s got his days, some days he sticks up for me, most days he’s downing me and agreeing with voice #1. It seems like the days I’m really depressed and alone at home, is when he’s mean and just against everything I have to think about. Seems like when I’m around my fiancé or family, he gets kind of quiet, I can still hear him but not as much as I can hear voice #1 and voice #3.

Voice #3- Young boy, around age 7, could be even younger. What’s weird is I’ve seen him at least 3 times in my life, all before age 12 though. The first time I seen him was when I was very young in my old house being babysat, he ran down the hallway chasing after a dog. I played with him, thought he was a friend. He’s not mean to me at all, he has innocent thoughts. A part of me wonders if maybe his thoughts, are my real thoughts? He’s loving, he shows affection towards my family members, my fiance, and me. He’s probably one of the main voices that are the hardest for me to make out what he’s saying.

Voice #1 is the loudest, it’s like he’s trying to be so loud that I can’t understand the other two voices. Most of the time I hear static; then voices will scream and shout out awful things. After the older man gets all his awful things off his chest, the two others will try to chime in and make things “better”, but they end up making things worse. It’s like a never ending record, they’re all fighting to speak at once I just have to end up screaming “SHUTUP!!” (Hit my head a few times) and both voices trying to take my side, stop. They don’t like when I’m mean to myself, only the older man. You’d think since Ive been hearing these same voices since I was a child, old man would be dead by now, lol. I know people think I’m crazy because the way I talk about my conversations with “people” in my head. They probably think I’m crazy and comfortable with them. Having voices, 3 different voices, all talking at once where you can’t even understand your own damn thoughts, will never be comfortable for anyone! But it helps a tiny bit to talk about it like its 100% real, there are people living trapped in your brain, then pretend! Once people start talking to me about my voices and they act like the voices are chemicals missing, “it’s all in your head” kind of bullshit, it’s fucking depressing. Lol and I just agree with them people, because sadly enough it is all in our head. But unless you have people talking to you all day telling you awful things and constantly making things 20x harder, you have NO right to talk about mental illnesses like you have one. All for today, night world!