Thinking of the future. 

Is something I do very seldom. I find myself regretting the past more than getting excited for what’s to come? And that might be because I really don’t feel like I can achieve much? I’ve told you before, I’ve failed at every job I’ve had, due to panic attacks and my voices tormenting me the entire day. I failed at college because of my anxiety and my fear of other people made going to a campus, terrifying. But lately my depression has been getting worse and worse.

I think it has something to do with the fact I’m 21, jobless, and watch tv literally all day until my girlfriend gets home. I decided to look into an online schooling program like SNHU and Devry. I’m really considering going back to school, but fully online, no classroom bullshit. I’m thinking of going for counseling, figured I’ve been to enough I can probably be one lol.

Not to sure if you’ve ever heard of Doctor on Demand? It’s an app, it’s amazing. My counsiler is actually on that app, and we talk face to face like FaceTime. If I could get a job like that, I would have no panic attacks.

I want to have a good job in the future because my girlfriend and I want to get married, have children and grow old together, happily not worried about money all the time. It’s going to be even harder for us to have kids since we’re both females lol. We’re going to have to pay probably a lot for in vitro fertilization, or even adoption.

Just trying to look forward, for once.

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4 comments

  1. yourenotaloneinthisworld · December 2, 2015

    You should be a counselor! It helps so much when the person with advice has gone through the same stuff! I’ll definitely try the loud music, probably would make my voices shut up too, lol thank you again!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Lo · December 2, 2015

    I developed anxiety in this past year, full blown panic attacks 2-3x per day. I’ve found that what helps me is to not think about the future. I will now set a loose goal for myself (such as making it to class) and break it up into little increments. Sure I have to walk outside past a million and one New Yorkers, but I get to stop at a cute coffee shop if I leave 10 minutes earlier. It also gives me ample time to calm down a little if needed. Thinking of the future brings me a lot of anxiety too so I do what i can to remain in the moment when i start to feel them hit. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. But if nothing else, you know you aren not alone ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • yourenotaloneinthisworld · December 2, 2015

      Thank you so much! Any advice is worth trying! No, we are NOT alone in this world! So glad WordPress is showing people like us, that we aren’t the only ones struggling day to day. I couldn’t imagine if I lived in a big city!

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      • Lo · December 2, 2015

        🙂 it’s really not easy to figure out a way to calm down when the only focus is on what you haven’t done. I honestly don’t even think about myself, I just kind of think “that’s something I’m stressed out about doing, but to achieve my goal I have to do it.” Start somewhere, bring your headphones, make an effort, and when you fail (not to discourage you but I fail all the time, it’s just not something I consider failing anymore, just a reality of anxiety and panic attacks), you can say you gave it everything you’ve got. I find blasting my music (a song I know ALL of the words to) really really helps me. Focus on the words and not your body. I’ve prevented more than half of my panic attacks from happening thanks to no longer considering myself a failure and focusing on the present moment when I felt one coming on. Good luck, I know you can do anything you set your mind to. It just might take a little longer than most people!

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