Today’s The Day:)

*yawn* I hate being up so early for work, but love being up so early with the birds, feels different, lol!

I work until 3pm, and then soon as I get off, we’re heading to the beach. I seriously can’t wait, it’s been way too long since we’ve had a few days to relax together. I honestly don’t even care if it rains the whole time (please don’t) I just want to be away for a while with my lady. It just helps that it’ll be on the beach, lol.

I started to get a little bit anxious last night while laying in bed, stewing in my thoughts.

It hit me, this is memorial day weekend, this is also senior week for so many teens. Oh lord, I didn’t even go to my own senior week, let alone do I want to attend one now. I hope it’s not fully packed with nothing but high school teenagers, and ditzy drunk girls all over the place, kill me now.

Ah, I have to go now and clock in. I’ll talk to everyone as soon as I get back. I’ll probably even write on the way to the beach since Nikki is driving.

Have a good day everyone! Wish us good luck at the beach!

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RoadTrip Playlist.

If you had to make a playlist for a road trip, what would it consist of? Loud, fun upbeat music, or the slow fun classical music?

Since Nikki and I are leaving tomorrow, I made a playlist for me to listen to on the way to the beach.

My Road Trip PlayList: 

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These are in absolutely no order lol.

  1. Mr. Brightside by The Killers.
  2. Hood Go Crazy by Tech N9ne.
  3. Wildflowers by Tom Petty
  4. The Kid’s Aren’t Alright by The Offspring
  5. Throne by Bring Me The Horizon
  6. Bitch Better Have My Money by Rihanna ( yeah i kno lol)
  7. East of Eden by Zella Day
  8. Ill Mind of Hopsin 7 by Hopsin
  9. In my Zone by Rittz
  10. Last One Standing by ¡MAYDAY!
  11. Come As You Are by Nirvana
  12. Mr. Jones by Counting Crows
  13. Indestructible by Disturbed
  14. Landslide by Fleetwood Mac
  15. Am I A Pyscho? by Tech N9ne
  16. Human by The Killers
  17. Why Don’t You Get A Job? by The Offspring
  18. Chelsea Smile by Bring Me The Horizon
  19. Mustang Kids by Zella Day
  20. Switch Lanes by Rittz
  21. Aw Yeah by Tech N9ne
  22. Spaceman by The Killers
  23. Self Esteem by The Offspring
  24. Diamonds Aren’t Forever by Bring Me The Horizon
  25. White Rapper by Rittz
  26. About A Girl by Nirvana
  27. Hangingaround by Counting Crows
  28. Gypsy by Fleetwood Mac
  29. Riot Maker by Tech N9ne
  30. Smile Like You Mean It by The Killers
  31. Coming For You by The Offspring
  32. Crown Royal by Rittz
  33. Don’t Let Me Down by The Chainsmokers
  34. Under Pressure by Queen
  35. Hotel California by Eagles
  36. No K by Tech N9ne
  37. My Interview by Rittz
  38. Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd
  39. Paradise City by Guns N’ Roses
  40. E.B.A.H. by Tech N9ne
  41. Straight Out The Gate- Tech N9ne
  42. On The Bible- Tech N9ne.

I tried finding mainly all songs that to me are upbeat and fast moving and fun!

Lol I know these songs are literally all over the damn place, 70s, 80s, 90s, and now music. Screamo, Rap, Rock, and Metal, but this is my favorite songs for a 5 hours car trip!

Will be away for a while…

Hey everyone!

Good News

Some good news, my fiance and I are going to the beach tomorrow as soon as I get off work! This wasn’t a planned trip, kind of a last moment trip actually, but hey why not?! My birthday is June 26th and Nikki wasn’t sure if she’d be able to get off work long enough for a trip. She came home the other night and found out she had off tomorrow, and the next 3 days, so road trip here we come!

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We got a hotel for 3 nights on the boardwalk, with a balcony, where I’ll be taking a lot of pictures lol.

We plan on doing a lot of stuff while down there, I’m so looking forward to it.

The past week has been pretty bad emotionally, due to my voices not learning how to shut the hell up, lol. This trip is a must needed vacation, for both of us!

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This will be the first “road trip” my fiance and I have had together, in the 3 years we’ve been together. Definitely excited about no stress, no phone, no tv, just me and my lady on the beach!

article-0-200BA74B00000578-536_634x629.jpgI’m really hoping to get them old western photos done of me and her, and maybe even parasailing since it’s on our list of to do this summer! I’m praying to come back home with a nice tan on me and my lady 🙂 Definitely going to get a new tattoo, Henna if I can’t afford the real deal lol.

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I got my playlist ready for the roadtrip down, bringing some extra speakers for the car, got my bag packed, and doing more laundry now.

Only thing left, go buy a bathing suit tomorrow before leaving.

Nikki’s brother, my soon to be brother in law, is watching Hazel Bee while we’re gone!

I’m super excited! I won’t be on WordPress at all until I come back, BUT when I do come back, omg picture galore!

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The Daily Dose.

I don’t know how many of my followers have a “daily dose” but I sure as hell do. I just have to say, it’s hell, I suck at remembering when to take my medication. You’d think after “needing” this meds for almost 9 years, I would have it down pact when to take my meds. I’ve tried everything, the nice medication alert apps they have, the fancy old grandma M-S pill boxes, writing notes on my pill bottles, everything!

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I never remember, and when I do remember it’s like “ahhh i feel awful, I’m a robot aimlessly walking around in this shell”. When I go awhile without taking my medication, the day I take it isn’t the same as being on it for years. I’m slow, my brain takes things in differently, my motions are slower than usual, my eyes feel like they’re moving all over the place, I analyze my surroundings even more than off my meds, I’m zombiefied. Now I know a lot of people who are supposed to take medication say “I feel like a zombie”. I can promise you, this isn’t an excuse, it’s very legit.

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Some days I’ll be having the worst day of all, paranoid at my worst, anxious as hell, voices louder than ever, and I still won’t take my meds because I don’t want to be doped up for the rest of the day.

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Doctors need to be able to figure out something better than this, I need to be a functioning person, not a functioning zombie.

My Vyvanse makes me wired, My Ativan makes me calm, My Saphris makes me sleepy, My Effexor makes me stupefied and zombie like, What the fuck kind of combination is this shit?

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That’s it, I’m a clusterfuck .

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How Sick is Sick? — MentalTruths

This was a must share after reading it today. Alucardeverlasting always has an amazing post on her blog. But this post I felt NEEDED to be shared!  If you haven’t already, go check out her blog.

It’s the end of the week at the IPS training and besides being mentally exhausted, I’m slightly conflicted. Tomorrow I have to do a two to four minute presentation. He said it can be anything, you can just stand in front of the group and talk about what IPS means to you. That’s essentially what […]

via How Sick is Sick? — MentalTruths

Memory Loss? 

This was last posted November 2015. My meds are still a tricky thing for me to remember most times. But sleeping schedule is much much better than it was here.

 

 

I feel like ever since I got out of the psych ward, my memory is fucked. I literally can remember being 3 years old up until about 12, then things start getting fuzzy. At first I thought maybe it w…

Source: Memory Loss? 

Rant.

Lately I’ve been hearing a lot of criticism towards Schizophrenia. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that each and every person is entitled to their own opinion, but oh dear lord some of you people really irk my nerves.

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For example, the other day a person decided to put her/his two cents into “what Schizophrenia is like to a Schizophrenic”. Now, I totally understand that I don’t walk around with a sign on my back saying “I’m a schizophrenic”. That’s what is really fucked up, this person knows that I AM a schizophrenic, but still decided to “guess” what it’s like for a Schizophrenic.

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She/He says they believe that our “voices” are a part of us, apart of our soul trying to “climb” out of us, but “us” is the dominant part of our soul, that’s why we’re who we are today.

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I just kind of sat there with the blank expression on my face and just kind of nodded before changing the subject. I didn’t speak up, because what the hell was i going to say without expressing what my “voices” tell me .

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I can’t believe this theory she/he has proposed. Due to the fact that my “voices” are not something I would ever imagine myself being or acting like. The things I hear on a day to day basis are things “normal” people can’t even imagine, thing’s I can’t even imagine, and I hear it constantly. I couldn’t stand up and start yelling “NO NO NO, WHY WOULD I EVER THINK ABOUT GRUESOME, AWFUL, THINGS?!” “THAT’S NOT ME, THAT’S NOT WHO I AM, YOU KNOW THIS!” But just saying that sounds crazy?

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Now I’m not saying that every day my voices are chatting up a storm in my head about murder and bloody scenes, but I’d also be lying if I said my head didn’t come up with fucked up shit. But there are still good days, where my voices actually seem “ok” with me, talk about nice things, cheer me on in life, and help me with day to day things. BUT THAT’S ON A GOOD DAY!

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If my voices were constantly positive, then hell yeah maybe I’d be able to accept this proposal on Schizophrenia. The fact that my voices aren’t ALWAYS the nicest, I can’t believe that this theory is even a possibility, I won’t believe it.

\I will admit, I don’t know EVERYTHING there is to know about Paranoid Schizophrenia, but I do my research, I read books, watch documentaries, and follow tons of Schizophrenic sites on WordPress and Pinterest. I don’t really read it, to see if I’m a “normal schizophrenic”, I totally understand we’re all different, our voices are different, our thoughts, emotions, etc. I honestly read it just to see if there is any hope that my “voices” one day will never be there.

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Until I find a post that I find reasonable for ME, or something I find “ok” for ME to believe and have hope in, than I will.

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But for right now, my voices are my “voices” whether it’s “my soul’s”, my thoughts, or straight up my head making up shit, oh well it’s me. I can’t help that I’m a Schizophrenic anymore than you can help if your indian/white/black/straight/gay/american/etc.

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Every stigma in this damn world needs to end, whatever it is, just stop.

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Can I Recommend A Few Netflix Shows?!

Since I have social anxiety, I spend ALOT of time sitting on the living room sofa, binge watching Netflix series. I currently started watching a couple new shows, one to watch when my fiance is at work, and one to watch with her when she gets home.

We’re right now waiting for Orange Is The New Black to release the new season, so in the meantime we figured we’d start a new show to get us through the month. Little did I know, I would have already finished my episodes before Nikki and I finished our show together. Enough about this, let’s get to the shows:

Okay first off, we have “Grace and Frankie”.

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This is the show I decided to watch while my fiance is at work, and omg I freaking love it. I actually just watched the last episode of season 2, which is all Netflix has right now available. It’s about two older women (Grace and Frankie) who go through a divorce because their husbands (Richard and Saul) admit to being gay, and being in love with each other. It’s seriously an amazing show, Frankie is hands down my favorite character on the show. She’s a down to earth older hippie who smokes weed and lives on the beach, with an amazing sense of humor, lol. 5/5 Stars, you go Glen Coco!

Secondly, we have “Baby Daddy”.

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This is the show that Nikki and I decided to watch while she was home from work. We just clicked on it to see if it would be funny, and then we seen “Barbara Jean” from “Reba” was in it, and we knew we’d love it! We’re currently on Season 3, and it’s amazing! There are 5 seasons total on Netflix so far, so a great binge watching show! The show is about a young boy (Ben) who has a drunken one night stand with a girl and said girl ends up leaving their child on his doorstep. The show is about Ben, his best friends (Tucker and Riley), his brother (Danny), and his mom (Bonnie) all raising the new baby (Emma). It’s definitely a drama/comedy tv show, and so far I’m loving it! Tucker is played by Tahj Mowry from Sister Sister, Ben is played by Jean-Luc Bilodeau from LOL, Riley is played by from Fish Hooks, Bonnie is played by Melissa Peterman from Reba. 4/5 Stars SO FAR!

Have you seen these shows yet? If so let me know how you like or dislike them in the comments below!

Hope everyones having a good day!

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Sunshine Blogger Award! 

A big thanks to Stephanie over at Making Time For Me, for nominating me for this awesome award! Stephanie is definitely a great blogger worth a follow!
The Rules: 

  • Thank the person who nominated you.
  • Answer the questions from the person who nominated you!
  • Nominate other bloggers for this award.
  • Write the same amount of questions for the people you nominate!
  • Notify the bloggers of their nomination!

Questions From Stephanie:

  1. Are you where you thought you would be at this stage in your life? Yes and no. Yes because I pictured myself in love with someone who means a lot to me, that’s a definite yes. But no on the education and career level. I thought I’d be graduating from college this year and starting my career as a teacher. But that’s just one set back! 
  2. What is your favorite country to watch show up in your stats? Definitely India, Sri Lanka, and Germany. 
  3. What is one tip you have for bloggers? I always use this tip, but to be yourself on your blog! Don’t worry about what other readers may think, don’t worry about the amount of followers. Worry about you and your blog. 
  4. How do you choose who to give awards to? I actually go to my notifications, the top people to last like/comment/share etc, get a nomination! 
  5. What is your favorite holiday? Definitely Christmas. 
  6. Are you spiritual/religious? Ah, I am not religious. I believe if you put out good, you’ll receive good. Same with after lives, if we do good here, our next life will be better. I don’t believe in any of the religions I’ve  learned about.  It’s not that I’m not educated in religion, I graduated from a Christian High School taking bible class my whole life. I just don’t believe in it. 
  7. What is your favorite thing to do on a Saturday morning? Well, I work on the weekend morning and that’s definitely not a favorite thing! But I love spending time with my fiancé before she heads off to work! 
  8. What is your ideal breakfast? Cinnamon French Toast with butter n syrup, stringy hash browns, sausage n bacon, scrambled eggs, and toast with jam. Bomb! 
  9. Did you go to your high school prom? Yes, 10th, and 12th grade.
  10. Do you plan, write down thoughts, ideas or stats for your blog? I seriously try to! I like to keep tabs on all the things I’ve already written, how many likes they recieved, just to get an idea of what my readers would rather read! 

My Questions For You To Answer: 

  1. Besides blogging, what’s your favorite hobby?
  2. Favorite currently watching tv show?
  3. Do you believe in Aliens?
  4. If you had to be stuck in a foreign country with no money or translator,  which country would you pick?
  5. Would you ever travel the world?
  6. The craziest experience you’ve ever had? For example: Sky diving, swimming with dolphins.
  7. Favorite sea animal?
  8. Have you ever been to the ocean?
  9. If you have a mental illness, which one do you have? When did you get diagnosed?
  10. Are you ready for summer, or want winter to come back?!

My Nominees: 

 

 

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