Lately I’ve been hearing a lot of criticism towards Schizophrenia. Don’t get me wrong, I understand that each and every person is entitled to their own opinion, but oh dear lord some of you people really irk my nerves.
For example, the other day a person decided to put her/his two cents into “what Schizophrenia is like to a Schizophrenic”. Now, I totally understand that I don’t walk around with a sign on my back saying “I’m a schizophrenic”. That’s what is really fucked up, this person knows that I AM a schizophrenic, but still decided to “guess” what it’s like for a Schizophrenic.
She/He says they believe that our “voices” are a part of us, apart of our soul trying to “climb” out of us, but “us” is the dominant part of our soul, that’s why we’re who we are today.
I just kind of sat there with the blank expression on my face and just kind of nodded before changing the subject. I didn’t speak up, because what the hell was i going to say without expressing what my “voices” tell me .
I can’t believe this theory she/he has proposed. Due to the fact that my “voices” are not something I would ever imagine myself being or acting like. The things I hear on a day to day basis are things “normal” people can’t even imagine, thing’s I can’t even imagine, and I hear it constantly. I couldn’t stand up and start yelling “NO NO NO, WHY WOULD I EVER THINK ABOUT GRUESOME, AWFUL, THINGS?!” “THAT’S NOT ME, THAT’S NOT WHO I AM, YOU KNOW THIS!” But just saying that sounds crazy?
Now I’m not saying that every day my voices are chatting up a storm in my head about murder and bloody scenes, but I’d also be lying if I said my head didn’t come up with fucked up shit. But there are still good days, where my voices actually seem “ok” with me, talk about nice things, cheer me on in life, and help me with day to day things. BUT THAT’S ON A GOOD DAY!
If my voices were constantly positive, then hell yeah maybe I’d be able to accept this proposal on Schizophrenia. The fact that my voices aren’t ALWAYS the nicest, I can’t believe that this theory is even a possibility, I won’t believe it.
\I will admit, I don’t know EVERYTHING there is to know about Paranoid Schizophrenia, but I do my research, I read books, watch documentaries, and follow tons of Schizophrenic sites on WordPress and Pinterest. I don’t really read it, to see if I’m a “normal schizophrenic”, I totally understand we’re all different, our voices are different, our thoughts, emotions, etc. I honestly read it just to see if there is any hope that my “voices” one day will never be there.
Until I find a post that I find reasonable for ME, or something I find “ok” for ME to believe and have hope in, than I will.
But for right now, my voices are my “voices” whether it’s “my soul’s”, my thoughts, or straight up my head making up shit, oh well it’s me. I can’t help that I’m a Schizophrenic anymore than you can help if your indian/white/black/straight/gay/american/etc.
Every stigma in this damn world needs to end, whatever it is, just stop.