3am:/ 

It’s currently 2:59 as I write this beginning sentence. As I lay in bed, fan on high due to the humidity tonight has brought, I thought why not make a post? 

I have tried everything, cuddling up to my girl, watching tv, drinking hot tea with sleepy meds, nothing is working. 

I’ve had a lot of my mind these past few days, not intentionally, just my voices always make me think 20x harder. They fill my head up with false accusations and false realities, before I know it I’m questioning every little thing I’m doing and saying. 

I’ve been laying in this bed since 1:30, just staring at the blackness of my room. This house is so hot tonight, why must it be so hot?! I can’t stand having my feet uncovered when laying in bed, whether I’m asleep or not, it just simply can not happen. 

Have you ever had the feeling that someone is like right behind you when you’re walking to a certain place, that you just begin to run because if you didn’t it would definitely catch you? Well that’s how I feel if my bare feet are dangling over my bed, just waiting for something to grab ahold of them. Even typing this, I’m tucking my feet back under the blankets, ugh but it’s so humid! Our blanket is one of those fleece NFL blankets you can get, not good at all if it’s already humid and sweaty! 

We have to be up at 7am, 4 hours away! Nikki has an interview tomorrow in VA, we’re thinking about moving a little ways from home. She’s looking more forward to the interview that is Wednesday in PA, more hours and more pay. I wouldn’t mind moving, I actually prefer it. 

Jynx is passed out, Joplin is laying in her cat tree rolling around, Hazel is in the spare room passed out on the bed, Nikki is snoring next to me, and here I am! 

I hate being the only one awake, it’s terrifying. I even hated it as a child, teen and now as an adult. I prefer to be the last one asleep and the last one awake, I like to sleep a lot. 

I have a feeling my depression is making its way back around, joy. 

I’ve been almost a day clean without cigarettes, Nikki has gone 2 whole days and tomorrow (technically today) will be her 3rd!! 

Picachu was in my sightings like all day yesterday, I drove around for almost an hour looking for this bitch! I never freaking found him, I even took my car up ally’s and back streets, nothing! Nikkis brother has caught him 2 times in the area and we haven’t caught him once! 

How’s your night going if you’re still awake? Have you caught Pica? 


✌🏽️🤘🏼🖖🏽

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2 comments

  1. SuperMommyofTwins · August 16

    Not a lot of sleep here either. Hope the interview goes well!

    Like

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