It’s been a good while..

I’ve gone about a week from WordPress, popping on every now n then to see what everyone was writing about. This past week we’ve been pretty busy here at the house and getting ready for this winter to start. It’s been under 40• degrees all week, had a few snow falls and today is pure rain and freezing outside. We’ve turned on our heat officially, the neighborhood smells like a big wood burner and I love it.

I had to return the rental car yesterday, and Nikki towed her truck to the car shop yesterday as well. We currently have my moms truck until the check comes in for my new car…which is taking forever.

My lawyer for when I was trying to SSI called me over the week. My claim has been processed and I have court on November 1st? I gave up on this almost a year ago after being denied more than 6 times with a lawyer, I guess my lawyer  didn’t give up though.

Do I want SSI? Yes, but no. I do simply because it’ll be a huge help for us financially and would take a lot of stress off of me. But at the same time I don’t because I don’t want to be that girl that lives off the government. I’ve been doing awesome working from home, and I’ll admit I don’t know if I could work in an office. I just don’t know, I’ve attempted plenty of times and also attempted college plenty of times, I couldn’t handle it.

Am I taking the easy way out by accepting this SSI?

I was raised that you graduate HS, go to college, get an awesome job, get married, have kids. Is this why I feel so guilty? I graduated HS by the skin on my teeth, got engaged,  dropped out of college after a few weeks of attending, moved in with my fiancé, quit my job, applied for SSI, got denied, applied for college, dropped out again, got a job, got fired, got another job, and here I am.

I agree my life would of went so differently if I wouldn’t have these mental health “issues” but I do have them…should I feel guilty? It’s my life, right? So what I didn’t do as my mom wanted me to, I couldn’t handle it. I’m a strong independent person when it comes to certain things in my life, but I’m not strong when it comes to things that seem to matter the most, like jobs, going in public, college, etc.

I guess what I’m asking is, should I be happy that the state is finally recognizing that I need help? Should I feel stupid and disabled for even considering this? Am I thinking too much into this? How will this effect my current job? Am I a lazy American that lives off her government?

Rant over, here are some pictures/videos of my week with no blogging.

I was supposed to attend this community walk to prevent suicide. I ofcourse ended up working and was unable to make the 3-4 hour drive to participate. I was pretty bummed.

 

short clip of the rental we had for a week. We thought all the nonsmoking signs were pretty funny.
Joplin sleeping and lounging after drying off from her bath 🛀:)

The fact that Hopsin performs in NYC on November 1st, and the tickets are so cheap!! Maybe just maybe:)
Had me some Sushi dinner a few nights back ❤️💛💚💙💜 Heaven in yooo mouth!!

our friends April and Evenn finally had their lil girl:) meet baby Rose 🌹!
The view coming home from Nikki’s work.

The wall that takes the life of a lot of people. If you can zoom in, you’ll see nothing but crosses on the concrete wall in front of the road on this photo. This mountain is a huge steep hill that ends in this wall, killing a lot of tractor trailer drivers who can slow down enough to make the turn. It’s sad actually.

 

Hazel got a new sleeve for her collar from the vet:) it’s Halloween themed.

Some news that I received yesterday about Anderson. And now I know that he will be out for the rest of the season, ugh!  Also had a missing kid alert from Baltimore, keep an eye out if you’re around the Baltimore area.

Glad to be back, hope everyone had a good while I was gone!
✌🏽️🖖🏽🤘🏽