Ah the anxiety is kicking in. 

So here I am sitting at the edge of my bed, dressed, hair straightened, teeth brushed. I have a hearing in court at 11, for SSI, and my anxiety is really starting to give me trouble. I’m anxious as hell, I’ve puked a number of 3 times already, this is shit. 

People don’t understand how paralyzing anxiety can make people feel. I just keep starring at my clock and debating whether I can actually do this. I’ve waiting almost 4 years for this day and now that it’s here, Jesus I’m terrified. 

These are the times i feel lost in life, how can something so little make me feel so tiny, so disabled? Why can’t I get dressed and walk out the door like a “normal” person. No no that’d be too easy Cyerra, you must spend at LEAST 15-25 minutes freaking the fuck out over the stupidest what if’s. 

My stomache is churning, my head is loud, and my body is aching. I feel tired as hell and I’m not, I know I’m not, I took a 75mg Vyvanse, a horse wouldn’t be sleepy. 

Okay I need to get off n try to puke more. Wish me good luck because imma need it. 

Son of a bitch. 

✌🏽️🖖🏽🤘🏽

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4 comments

  1. bad301 · February 16

    “People don’t understand how paralyzing anxiety can make people feel” OH trust me I know. Ever since my event last year it has controlled my life and it still does. I HATE the feeling, i feel trapped within my own body at times. I talk a lot about anxiety in my blog. I am looking forward following your blog and cant wait to read about your life. WE can overcome this but it wont be easy. -Bruce

    Liked by 1 person

    • yourenotaloneinthisworld · February 16

      Thank you for you input! I can definitely agree feeling trapped within your own body at times!

      Like

  2. campingboatingshawnlee · December 16

    You are a great writer and also very brave. Going to follow and see where your world goes. There is another lady I have been following who has Bipolar Disease. She is also brave and strong. myloudbipolarwhispers She is a lovely lady. check her out. I believe you both have the same message for this world.

    Liked by 1 person

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