E is for Exhausted.

Exhausted, is the probably the best word to describe how I feel after a panic attack or after a “normal” day with anxiety. Things like walking into the store, going through the drive-thru, withdrawing money from the bank, taking that left turn across traffic, cause my anxiety to spark up. After a nice long panic attack or a short thought out panic attack in my head, I’m literally exhausted.

Even if it’s just going into a resturant and sitting on my ass, I’m fucking exhausted when it’s over and I get home. Why? Because the entire time my brain is going 500 mph with different thoughts of “what if” and my brain obviously doesn’t handle it too well. I find myself biting my skin around my nails, the inner of cheek, twiddling my fingers, tapping my feet, everything that drains the life out of me.

I never knew how exhausting anxiety could be until I really tried to be a “normal 22 year old”. You know, going to the bar, to clubs, out to eat with my fiance and friends, shopping (who the hell doesn’t like shopping, me that’s who), or grabbing a bite to eat with my fiance on our days off. Doing “grown up” things like marketing, bank trips, ORDERING FOOD ON THE PHONE, these are all things I’ve had to overcome in the past 5 years and it took everything out of me to do so.

 I still find myself literally drained and exhausted when I have a “normal” functioning day, even when I work, and I work from home. Things easily upset me, making my head easily vulnerable to the things it says to me, which then makes my anxiety just skyrocket, which then makes me feel like I’ve ran a marathon that day.

Who would have ever thought that something so small could cause someone to feel so exhausted?

You live and you learn.

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5 comments

  1. rugby843 · April 6

    I liked this post. I read Your about page. It’s wonderful how open you are and I empathize with your anxiety. I used to be that way, but now I’m just a cantankerous old woman! Happy for your engagement. I think you may need a badge I made up…..uh huh! I’ll blog about it today. https://rugby843.blog/proud-of-myself-badge/04/06/17/. Hope that works, I’m not good at it!

    Like

  2. kountrymama2012 · April 6

    Have u tried seeing a dr for anxiety meds? Or therapist?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yeahhh I’ve been on anxiety meds for over 6 years now. I was first put on Ativan, until it caused me to fall asleep behind the wheel and hit head on with a telephone pole causing me to break my ankle and leg. I am now on klonopin and it has helped me so incredibly much with going into places and spending time in public with my fiance.

      Liked by 1 person

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