I’m about to log off of work and get ready to get picked up by my dad to go run a few errands. I’ve felt pretty good today and this morning, and now I’m just slowly feeling the depression creep up on me. I feel the sadness in my stomach like I just received life changing news. I can feel the tears backing up behind my eyes getting ready to burst out and roll down my cheek. I can tell my facial emotions have died and it’s more of a blank stare on my face as I type this. I’ve taken my meds today, that’s not the issue so please don’t ask me.
Nothing “bad” has happened today, literally, nothing could be making me sad right now but I just want to cry. I hate days like this, one minute I’m fantastic and the second I feel like my whole world is crashing down. I’m not depressed, but I can feel it coming, it’s only a matter of time, lol?
The voices are here today, they’ve been pretty calm until about the past twenty minutes. I’ve turned on my music and surround sound, trying to just keep my mind busy a little bit in-between emails with work.
I think it’s just the fact that life seems to be at a standstill right now. Things look up and then look down right away again. I hate that I live somewhere that has no opportunities for people, children, teens, elders, no one. I finally got full time at work after trying so hard for it for a year, just to get back down to part time. It lasted not even 2 months…they needed someone in the office, and I totally understand that. It just sucks because I love this job and I feel I’m kicking ass at it, but I feel I’ll never get anywhere in this position as well.
I’m all over the place, looking at my future and how it seems impossible to get where I want to be. Days like today are just hard, and they get harder each time it feels like. Just tired of it I suppose.
Well, I have about 30 minutes left of work and then I’m off for the day. I’ll be sure to read through my reader before logging off. Hope everyone has a nice day.